Beginning of the end

So this week marks the beginning of year 12…the last year of high school! What?! In a way I’m both happy and relieved that 14years of school is finally coming to an end (I repeated year 11 due to moving) but on the other hand I’m a little bit cautious of what my elder have been telling me. They keep droning on and on about how I’m going to miss this period of my life, and how much more complicated the life gets. And while I don’t want to get caught up in the complexities of life, I guess I’ve figured that bills, relationships and careers are inevitable and there’s nothing I can do to avoid these things. Nether the less I’m happy to be entering the beginning of the end of this chapter of my life and transitioning into the next phase-however scary it may be.

Even as a child myself I’m still in shock of how quick life flies by- I mean I still remember the year that I graduated from primary school 6 years ago! My mental self is still trying to catch up with my physical self…from a young age I’ve always been scared of growing up and dying; it sounds stupid-like a silly irrational fear but to this day this anxiety had stuck with me. I’m not sure what it is but I really detest the feeling of leaving the life that I’m in now; knowing that the people that are in my life right now will suddenly become nothing the day that I leave this world. I just really hate that everything that is my reality right now will become nothing…that’s why I often question my consciousness; is what I’m seeing now a figment of my imagination or is it really real? That’s what scares me. What if everything that exists around me is nothing more than a made up reality created by my own thoughts? What if tomorrow I wake up and I’m somebody else with a different life in a different world?

I guess this just fuel for encouragement…to appreciate the things that we have because we will never know when our time to leave this world will come. Maybe it’s just a matter of ignoring these anxieties and living, truly living.

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